Is it I, or is it Christ? No, maybe that's not what we ask ourselves deep inside. Maybe we ask ourselves "Is it Christ's turn or mine?" and we bargain with God. How does one give oneself so completely, that he should not ask "what about me?" It must be deep faith, the kind that trusts that God plans the best. Why do we trust so little? Why must we think that we can do it by ourselves? And when all is well, we forget how badly we wanted Him, when everything around us seemed to be crumbling?

Deep inside, we are confused. Our minds can reason, but we can't convince the heart. Yes, there are things we want badly - but these things represent deeper needs, needs that God can completely satisfy. But no, we don't want God to give us that better version - we just want what we have been asking for all this while... because... we ask... what if God's version can't really make us so happy? What if? And we remember the times we asked and asked and God gave, but we were not satisfied. Why weren't we? We haven't figured out. Maybe it's just that we never trust God enough to give ourselves fully enough... that we could enjoy God's fullness, fully enough.... and we ask God to "prove to us" that He can do it....

God, it takes so much to step onto the water.

s/we/i/g; s/us/me/g;