It boggles my mind how it could be true, that a son who had demanded for his share of the estate, gone away, spent his money, spent his life, driven to the edge, when he came back to his house, could be greeted, not by sneering voices, not by theories of retribution, not by deep hurts dug up as anger, but by love. That a father could be so loving, that although on all counts, his son should have disappointed him and deserved nothing but the place of a servant, instead chose not to reason by logic, not to reason by the past, not to reason by the fact that he no longer owed his son anything, but to respond in love, seeing not a son that had been unfilial and a total disgrace, but seeing a son who had returned as if from the dead. From the dead! How limited our view of things is, that we cannot see beyond death and get so bogged down by reason and short-spanned emotions...

Unfortunately I think most daddys aren't like that. I can hear them say "I told you so!" or "you deserved it!" or "and you still have the cheek to come back!" followed by a long lecture poured out of a hurting and angry heart. Because deep inside, we know we deserve nothing more than the angry eyes of unapproving parents, for we have fallen short of their expectations. Because we know we have failed them, and we know that when we fail our exams, we get punished.

I guess earthly parents don't love enough to let go, to say less of picking up broken pieces after we have gone all wrong. We all humans look too much at our own hurts. All this makes God's love so unbelievably amazing. Grace, they call it. Totally undeserved. So undeserved that some of us - at least I - have problems trying to believe that it is all, for real.

本物の祭りといえば、ほとんど宗教関係の祭りでしょう。
国もそれぞれの祭りがあれば、それが名物になり、外国の方が見物しに来るでしょう。
だが、シンガポールは、宗教がないのだ。信じる人がいないではなく、国としては、宗教関連の祭りだったら、××祭りはシンガポールの祭りだ、とは言わなく、あくまでも○○宗教の祭りだ、との感覚が強いと思う。つまり、シンガポールは本物の祭りがない。だからシンガポールは必死に祭りを作ってる。たとえば、旧暦のお正月の頃は、ＣＨＩＮＧＡＹというのがある。オチャードの道路を封鎖して、人が踊りながら、Ｆｌｏａｔというある主題を元に飾ったお車を通わせる祭りだ。旧暦のお正月は、ここの中国系が祝ってるけど、こういうＣＨＩＮＧＡＹのような祭りは、ないのだ。それどころか、本当にあるのは、花火。でもシンガポールは一般人は花火の使用は法律により禁じられてる・・・

祭りを見ながら育てた人にとって、これは変かもしれないが、綺麗なシンガポールの奥は、こういう虚無さだ。祭りがないせいか、他国の人が放射している熱情は、シンガポール人には感じられない、と思う。やっぱり、人間には祭りが必要、かな。

人並みの聡明。みんなと同じ悩み。普通な欲望。つまり、普通な人間。ずっと、心のそこかから、望んでいたのは、それに過ぎないかも。一緒に悩みあうのを周りに見たら、なんか羨ましい。だれが僕の悩みを理解してくれる？だれが僕を助けれくれる？私のすべてをわかり切っている神様だって、なにもしていないようだ。こんな僕は希望があったって、虚無さだけかな。

ブログに乗せるネタじゃないが、今の僕は、なんかすごく恋いしたい・・・だが、好きになれそうな人は、周りに誰か一人いない・・・＊SIGH＊いったい・・・彼女は、いったいどこにいるのかな・・・ずっと待ってたから、早く現れてよ。

I think I've figured out why people think that my sister's older than I. Okay, maybe it's that she is pretty matured in her thinking and behaviour, but also this - do you believe there's an eldest-child and youngest-child character, that most eldest-children behave in a certain way and youngest-children have certain traits? I think my problem is that I have a youngest-child character... I think. Somehow, no matter how majime a person I am, I'm not losing it...

guess what... that means i have a problem, don't you think so? cos i don't have an elder brother to relate to me in response...

nvm if u think this kakiko's all crap. there's just nothing to do on saturday nights.