Why can't free-thinkers date Non-free thinkers? (A

Why can't free-thinkers date Non-free thinkers? (A satire)

This question has always been on people's minds but seldom voiced. It may sound hate-provoking, intelligence-discriminating, and downright condescending, but trust me, it's not meant to be.

I'm 28 this year, and a free-thinker, and one of the most common things I hear from my religious friends go along the lines of "why do you continue your sinful life? Let me introduce you to my religion and you will be a changed person". While I wholly believe in their well-meant intentions, it's time someone explained the reason behind this "disobedience", lest it be classified as another moral standard the world refuses to live by.

A long time ago, I went out with someone, who, apart from the fact that he wasn't a free-thinker, was more or less perfect to me. Perfect in the sense that, we were exactly complements - he loves cooking and I love cleaning, he loves eating up the food I don't eat, he's always energetic when I'm down, and I'm always cheerful on his sad days. We even support different players in the same curling team. All except for the fact that he wasn't a free-thinker. It didn't matter to me at first, because I was head over heels with his free gifts and amazing sex, but sure enough, one day I found myself not being able to go on anymore - it felt so profoundly "wrong". So I broke up with this perfect guy for being religious. All my friends thought I was nuts. But decisions like this do baffle, and must be clearly explained - I cannot otherwise think of another way to appease my good conscience for hurting a completely innocent guy.

What I want non-free thinkers to understand is that, I'm more concerned with us free-thinkers. Sometimes when dating the what, we forget the who and the why.

I think the biggest example of this - and I'm not going to sugar coat it here - are free-thinkers who extend dating non-free thinkers to "being open to conversion because his religious social circle opens up opportunities to career advancement", or "his status as a religious group leader makes him reliable". The list goes on, but you get what I mean.

So yes back to the question why free thinkers should not date non-free thinkers. There are probably more, but here are four simple ones.

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1. You have a complex system of things you believe in that cannot be summed up in one convenient word

Religious people subscribe to one prescribed system of belief, and no matter what they say, when faced with two opposing possibilities,
it is necessary that they decide that the one that matches their religion is true, and the other is false.

You on the other hand, are comfortable with half-truths and useful illusions. You absorb and learn when faced with something you cannot comprehend. You are willing to "try" religion as a learning experience, even if it is a ten-year project going through bible school without converting to the religion. Your journey demands thorough investigation and critical thinking, and the discipline and courage to fight what establishments push on you. Just because you live like a religious person and sacrifice like a religious person doesn't mean you need to think like a religious person. This something religious people find hard to understand.

You on the other hand, cannot comprehend why religious people would disobey federal law in the name of religion, and do scandalous things in the dark while forcing their religion of light down your throat. Christians, specifically even discourage themselves from dating you:

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" - 2 Corinthians 6:14

2. It's never "just marriage"

I should clarify at this point that by dating I don't mean strictly relationships that result in marriage, children, and widowhood.

We know that people in the real world date for all sorts of very real and valid reasons, get married for the same, choose not to have children for the same, and divorce for the same. We knew that people change, learn, and grow through what they live through - and we revise out priorities through every stage of life.

Marriage is usually focused on the specific version of the partner people know - and demand that you stick to. When I get to know you and you decide I'm the one for you, you're almost or guaranteed to find a side of me you never knew. "What!" you say "I'm not ready for that!"

3. It's never just God or no God

Religious people always have ways to justify their belief, and since at some point they need to answer whether or not to believe, are polarized into a binary paradigm that goes along the line of God vs no God, Jesus vs Satan, Enlightenment vs Suffering.

And when religious people use this world view to justify their actions while you psychoanalyze them, only one result will end unhappy disagreement - that you give in. Religious people have limits to what they are willing to accept, and it's nowhere near yours.

4. The joy of being free

And finally, we have to consider not just the pitfalls of dating a religious person, but also the benefits of dating a free thinker.

Religious people are often driven by some kind of zeal, but free thinkers respond to real compassion and show honest desire.

Dating a free thinker means that there are no invisible gates that bar you from challenging their thinking or actions. It means that you together are free to change and grow, and to experience everything the world had to offer, and to survive to tell.

That is not to say that marrying a free thinker makes the marriage perfect. Far from it - rather you enjoy it for all its imperfections, and cherish the fact that love will never be perfect.

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If you've read this far, you would have realized that not all religious people are as straightforward as what I described above. There are deeply good religious people who do not hide behind the brand of the religion but are sincerely involved in helping people in ways I cannot even imagine to.

There are religious people who go out without questioning your faith, and wholeheartedly want to be part of your community and your life, and help you achieve what you want.

If you are struggling with the whole idea of dating free-thinkers, one thing I've written above remains true: Sometimes when dating the what, we forget the who and the why. Don't look at the label. Look into his eyes.